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Journal Entries From A Housewife, N8


Location: Café, Muswell Hill, London

Time: Noon, 31st December 2000


Reminded myself in Marks & Spencers that we are related to Infinity! At the check-out I suddenly got it again and said 'Never forget this' and I immediately felt the grin and lightness. It brings playfulness to everything - the game, the eternal leela.

Never forget.

We are so lucky to be alive, here, now, in the nowhere/everywhere matrix of becoming/being. This is just one plane of reality intersecting all others in no-time and no-space/place. And at the base, the core ground, is the One, the silent Divine darkness, the nothing/everything source - deep silence, stillness, peace - totally unfathomable depth of being which is no-being of any form or limitation.

I've tasted that total absence of movement and of self-existence and it is complete effulgent peace that is the Love-Source. It is not threatening or annihilating because it is Home - only this recognition is needed for the fear to subside. And from that unfathomable limitless eternal dark peace comes the seed of light that explodes into infinite manifold forms - not just here but every corner of the vast universe and not just gross matter but subtle matter - it's all degrees of vibration, dense to fine, all made by light.

I am a light-generated light constructed vibration-being, as are all objects and the space in between and the space we inhere in. This radiance is my true form and the dark still peace state is the Source. This is the distinction between Consciousness as Light and the Absolute as Dark. I love this world, I love the light, I love the Absolute which is pure rest, total cessation. And there can be no strategy to be any of this because we are already Home- just the remembering, the resonance, the surrender to how it is. This brings ecstasy - and the grin.

Right now I can see my kitchen as existing on a plane of reality that is only relatively real or solid. It can vanish like snow in sunshine, it is a loka, a domain, held together by mysterious forces and electrical impulses. It's perfectly possible that it is occupying no-space with many other lokas, many other beings, all animated and identified with their particular life-tasks and destinies. But to stop the spell-binding wheel of vision and see through the space the kitchen occupies is true seeing. Then there is an explosion of solidity, an explosion of identifications and grasping, and only mysterious vibrating seeing-consciousness is present - and what it is 'looking at' is Itself! The shock of recognition is the shattering that brings freedom.

That's what the process of waking up out of three-dimensional reality truly is - identified, hypnotised consciousness suddenly seeing Itself at large, everywhere, unlimited, unstained, unbound, eternally free to create and dissolve and then rest in the Divine Vision.

Then the realisation that nothing has ever happened, or will ever happen; there is just the eternal moment reverberating to Infinity, full of light-forms, pulsating and blinking on and off like stars.


Time to get home, see what the kids are up to and cook the supper.