An interview with one of Osho's oldest Indian sannyasins and, so far as we know, the first sannyasin to become awake. Interview by Madhukar Thompson
Madhukar: How long have you been with Osho?
Kiran: I was his disciple for more than fifteen years.
Madhukar: Up to a point, we both travelled the same path with Osho. As a brother seeker of yours, the most important question for me is what exactly happened to you? And what did you do for it to happen?
Kiran: I was with Osho for many years I was sitting there right in front of him. I was listening to his lectures. I was following his suggestions with the hope that one day I would reach my goal of enlightenment. When I met Osho in 1967, for the first time, I was on fire and my thirst for truth was very strong. But as I came closer to him, I fell slowly, slowly asleep. But for a long time I didn't notice that I had fallen asleep. Only when he departed to the States did I wake up to this fact and remembered the search. With great intensity I restarted it.
By and by, I began to understand that something was wrong with searching. I felt that it was wrong to be after something all the time. I woke up to the understanding that I was making a mistake by searching something, somewhere outside. I came to know that I was making a mistake by going to somebody, by asking for the way, by sitting at somebody's feet, by waiting for something to happen, by desiring that the realisation will happen with the help of effort and spiritual practice.
I started simply watching myself. I was watching my mind. I was watching all inner processes that were happening. And ever so slowly I began to understand that the desire, the effort, the doings and practices were the actual disturbances of my peace. The seeking was the obstruction to realisation. Osho had told us many times that we had to drop all our doings and efforts. He had said that we never lost It, and that It was already our nature. Sitting right in front of him I had heard him say that so many times. But I could not understand him because I was sleeping and dreaming. I believe that's what happened to all of us we fell sleep and therefore didn't hear him.
I became aware of what was happening. I started to understand what was happening. Slowly, slowly, I began to awake. The first thing I "did" was to drop all my doings and practices for reaching somewhere and for achieving the goal of enlightenment. I just became an ordinary man. I worked in my business and I looked after my family. I did not desire anymore to reach somewhere. I was not after anything any longer.
All my searching just dropped away by itself. I started accepting existence. I started accepting myself. I could accept myself as I was. I did not desire any change. I was not even asking to become something. I was not asking for enlightenment anymore. I was just relaxing with myself. I was happy, peaceful and relaxed with how and what I was in the present moment. I found myself saying to myself, "It's okay. It's fine. I don't want to become somebody. I don't want to get anywhere." Therefore, when Osho came back to Pune, there was no energy inside me, which made me go to the ashram and see him. All questions had dropped. All questioning and searching were simply finished.
I did not bother whether this was enlightenment or not. But I could definitely say that all searching had ended, all questions had dropped. I had no questions to ask anymore. I felt absolutely settled and at peace with myself. I could feel the silence descending on me. Slowly, slowly I was dissolving. I, as I knew myself, was just dissolving. I was feeling close to existence and to everything and to everybody. In my silence, I was becoming one with everything. Nothing could disturb the peace inside myself.
Madhukar Was there anything that triggered it? Was there any kind of cause and effect relationship? Usually we believe that practice leads to the goal.
Kiran There is no cause and effect relationship in the awakening process. That is my basic understanding of the whole spiritual journey. Awakening is not an event, which is going to happen because you are doing something with your mind may that be meditation or whatever. Awakening is uncaused. It cannot be achieved through effort because you have never lost It. That's what I came to understand.
Kiran's address is: Kiranbhai, 150 Mukundnagar, Pune, Maharashtra 411037, India. Tel: 91-20-4263842
Web Site: http://www.meditation.to
Interview excerpted from Madhukar Thompson "Teachings En Route To Freedom" Slightly abridged. Neti Neti Press, P.O. Box 120, Haiku, HI 96708, USA. E-mail: email@example.com www.neti-neti.org