Waking Up in Beijing. A Beautiful Story
I really do not know how to write this letter, many many things happened in the last two months, my life has completely changed! I would like to share it. As you know Osho entered my life In 1997, it was a shock for me to read his books. When I read the first book I just read one chapter and stopped because I was afraid if I continued I may go crazy! It was very profound and insightful, I was touched by his words and a longing to get enlightened arose in me.
I began to read Osho everyday and became more and more knowledgable about meditation and enlightenment, but it was just on the surface and in the mind, my life had not changed at all. I was still weak,anxious,fearful of the future... As you also know In 2001 I took sannyas via email, with the hope that my sannyas name would give me a direction in life. It is a beautiful name:Swami Chetan Vilas (conscious play) ,but nothing beautifully happened because how could a name guide your life? On the contrary, my life became a mess, it was just like I was in a dark room, you know where the door is, but you cannot open it, of course it is more painful than for those who don't know where the door is!
Time came 2004. I was already fed up reading Osho's books. I could not tolerate any more!I Must do meditation! But there were no teacher available in China, so I just did it according to the instruction of the book. I started to do the kundalini meditation, and at that time by chance I connected with a sannyasin named Sandesh from Taiwan. We talked on the telephone and he would give me some suggestions about the kundalini meditation. Then One time he said that he would come to China! I thought it was impossible and that's only a dream or a joke. But he really came! When he told me that he had ordered the flight and asked me to go to meet him, I was trembling! Because who knows what will happen then? We never met personally and what really matters is that my life style may be completely changed! The fear of the unknown gripped me, but finally I decided to go because I was very impressed by his belly laughter, I thought if a man could laugh like this, he must be something!
I met Sandesh in Beijing,and when I showed him how I did kundalini at home he laughed, he adjusted my posture and immediately I felt easier when I did the shaking. I began to do kundalini everyday,and many many things happened... To me,Sandesh is more like a friend than a teacher, he does not talk much, he always says: "Act is act, you just do and see." At first I expected some special experiences I read in books and nothing happened. Sandesh told me:"You have not taken the first step yet and you want to take the last step? You are not even aware of your body which is closest to you and you want to get enlightened? Don't go on expecting something great in the future,just do what you can do right now!" He is right, I want enlightment but I do not want to make so much effort. He asked me to strech my back when I sit, but sometimes I felt it was painful so my back bent again, this certainly shows what I think of enlightenment and what I do for enlightenment!
Once I felt my back was so painful, so I asked him why, he said:"You don't know why?"I said:"Yes", thinking it was humble and honest to admit my ignorance! But he said:"If even you yoursefl don't know why,how should I know? The body is yours!" I was at a loss, then he asked me to move my body, I just moved and moved and moved and finally the point was found!I Energy blocked at my waist. Rather than telling the point to me, he asked me to act and find the point by myself, there is a great difference. In this case,I can't say "I don't know" to avoid the problem and this makes me more and more independent!
Speaking has always been a problem to me. From my very childhood I can not speak loudly and my voice is very low, this makes me weak and inferior when I communicate with other people. I Went to see the Doctor and he said it was because my vocal cords are shorter than the normal and there was no way to heal it. When Sandesh checked my throat he said it was a piece of cake! He asked me first to do kundalini and when the energy rose up he would manage it. One night, after two months kundalini meditation he said the time was ripe. He was going to do an operation on my throat! The operation must be the strangest operation ever been! Without any anaesthesia, he just shaked his throat from right to left again and again, and asked me to do it like him.I have never thought my throat can be shaked, but I followed him and by and by it moved! And when I opened my mouth to speak, I could speak more loudly and clearly with less effort! I couldn't describe my mood at that time,this seems to be a miracle but it really happened! The most important influence of kundalini meditation is that my life has changed through it. Life becomes more and more easy for me, if there is a problem to be solved, I no longer think of how to solve it, but just take action, and if it is still not solved, it is another problem! These days when I wake up in the morning, I feel my whole body is comfortable and centered, I am satisfied with myself. Things are still happening,and words are very pale to express these experiences. What I would like to say is that first you just do and then you will come to know, just as the old guy (Osho) says:"Only experience brings understanding!"
Swami Chetan Vilas